What’s the key to being happy within yourself, knowing that you’re on the right path for your life? I don’t know the answer to that and it has left me stuck for a while. For the past few months I’ve been feeling… well I don’t exactly know how to describe it. There are days when I’m up and everything is good, and then there are days when I’m down and nothing seems to be working out. Kind of wallowing in self pity for a various number of reasons. I’m the type of person who google’s any and everything. I always feel like the answers to life are a click away. But that’s not the case.
Drake said it best when he hit us with that “23 and going through a midlife crisis” lyric. I have never related to something so deeply.
The difference is, he was rich and established at 23 worrying about if he had hit his peak, and I’m a broke college student just trying to get my foot in the door, constantly wondering how I’m going to hit it big. What is my next move? When are things going to happen for me? When will I officially be on my own? I worry about these things everyday, and on top of everything else I have to deal with (school, work, etc.) I tend to get pretty bummed out.
I hate feeling stagnant. Like I’m stuck in a situation. Like I’m not progressing or living up to my full potential.
I know I’m still young, but I’m getting to that age where time starts creeping up on you at lightening speed. I always wonder “am I doing enough?” “should I be further in the game than I already am?”. I never place doubt on myself because I know that I am capable of all things, but I am always looking to better myself. I want it all & i want it now, but I know that that’s not realistic.
Instant gratification just seems so ideal, but that’s not how life works. I don’t want to be where everyone else is, I want to be better and I know that that isn’t something that happens overnight.
I always see this quote that says (and I may be paraphrasing here), “Don’t work 9-5 for someone else, only to come home and not work on your own dreams.” This is probably my favorite quote ever because it rings so true. I want to discover my passion. I don’t want to spend my life helping someone achieve their own dreams and helping them get rich, because who’s going to look out for me? What will be the thing that motivates me to wake up in the morning and get ready to take on the world. I want it to be important and to have a positive impact, not only on me, but on others as well. I want spend everyday of my life loving what I do. Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.
Now when it comes to being on my own, I feel like I want it to happen sooner than later. My mom is so in love with me that she would keep me under her wing forever if she could. However, independence is something I crave everyday more than the last. I cannot wait to be living in my own space. I have freedom, but I just see being on your own as a whole different level of freedom. With independence comes financial responsibility, so although I’m ready to go, I have always known that I would play it smart and try to establish myself before I take that big leap. That leap into adulthood. I have never wanted to go out into the world and struggle to get by. Living from check to check just to be able to say “I got my own”. That’s not ideal to me.
I guess only time will tell where I’ll go from here, but I’m going to start taking bigger steps, more risks, and doing more things outside of my comfort zone to get to where I want to be. I can’t just sit back and wait for life to unfold. I have to mold it myself.
Do you ever feel the same way? Feel free to leave a comment if you’ve been through this and you have advice to share, or if you are on this journey of self discovery. If you’re lost, or confused, or feeling hopeless. It’s nice to know that people can relate and that you’re not alone in any situation.
Big things coming soon. Stay tuned.