The disappearing act. Have you ever heard of it? I’m gonna make an assumption here and say not only have you heard of it, you’ve experienced it as well. Every one of my friends has come to me at one point or another saying that this has happened to them atleast once. I know it has happened to me on more than one occasion. If you’re still confused, I’ll break it down for you.
You’re talking to someone for a while and everything seems great. You have a good time together, you’re in contact on a regular basis, everything is going relatively well. You’re happy, it seems like they’re happy, and then it happens…
The slow fade out…
Long, deep conversations turn into one word answers, or short and terse sentences, or maybe even no response at all. Response time gets lengthier. They don’t call as much. You start to get this feeling that the energy between you two is different. Something has changed, and it’s undeniable, but you try to brush it off. Maybe they’re just having an off day. That off day turns into an off week, which eventually turns into an off month. You stop hearing from them altogether. At this point you’re like ‘whatever, I guess it’s done’… but you’re hurt.
Why? Because you actually started to care about this person. You thought things were going great and building up into something more. And you’re angry. Maybe more angry than sad as time passes. Why wasn’t I given an explanation? A fair warning?
THAT, my friends, is what I would like to know. Why are we supposed to just take the hint?
I decided to ask a few friends if they had ever gone “ghost” before, and their reasoning behind it if they had. Here were some of the answers I got:
- I didn’t want to hurt her/his feelings, so I slowly backed off
- I was seeing somebody else at the time and decided to pursue things with that person
- I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, but I still wanted him/her around
- I honestly became busy and wrapped up in other things
- I’m young! I’m not looking to settle down right now
- I didn’t want to tell her/him that my feelings changed
- I wanted to avoid a long conversation
- I completely just lost interest/ was turned off by something they did/said
I also asked a few friends (men AND women) if they had ever been “ghosted” before, and if they had, what did they wish the person would have done differently. Here are some of the responses I got.
It takes a lot for me to open up to someone, and being left in the air just felt horrible. Especially because you don’t know what went wrong. They just disappeared and never texted or called back, and I would feel like I wasn’t enough for them to stick around. At the time, I would’ve wanted them to say what was wrong and then we could’ve talked about it and ended it mutually, on the same page. I’ve never ghosted anyone because I know how it feels. I would tell them why I didn’t think it would work out and say bye in a friendly way lol.
Whenever that happens to me, I get upset. I think people should just keep it a stack off the rip. Not just lead someone on and let it fade slowly. If you just wanna be friends, state that. If you just wanna have sex, say that. If you just tryna try it out, say that.
I have. Twice with the same person actually. I’m kind of nonchalant and have an idc attitude about a lot so that’s how I felt, but I did just feel like a lot of questions went unanswered or whatever. I wish we coulda talked about it before just leaving like that but then again I don’t blame anyone for doing whatever they gotta do for the sake of their own emotions or well being.
I was talking to this guy… and we literally talked everyday (from February to April).
We had made plans to meet on my birthday but a few days before I made a sarcastic response to him ( which I have before) & he completely went ghost & stopped talking to me. Now I knew I had said something wrong so I did apologize but still no response… I wish instead of just ignoring me he would have at least made it obvious he felt a way and just said he didn’t wanna talk to me anymore…..
A majority of the people I talked to also stated that if they had stopped talking to someone, they would hit them up after a while, and vice versa. This part is always mind boggling to me, but I think its because people want to make sure that their spot is still open. They want to make sure that the option of being with you, or chilling with you, or just talking to you is still in fact an option. This can go either way for you, but I’m not a fan of being strung along, so I don’t agree with it.
I think we all just need a little clarity. Personally, I’m gonna need people to BOSS UP and tell me how they really feel. Tell me you’re not feeling it anymore. Tell me you’re not looking for anything serious. Tell me now is not the right time. Tell me you’re busy. Tell me something, anything. Because I feel like it’s necessary. Let me know that I am free to move on, because this isn’t going anywhere. I’m grown, I promise I can take it. I may get upset or mad, but I’ll get over it and I’ll have way more respect for you at the end of the day.
Keeping it real with people really goes a long way. They might get hurt, but they will get over it.
Has anyone ever “gone ghost” on you? If so, how did you handle it & did they try to make a return after days/weeks/months of no communication? Feel free to share/comment your thoughts below.
(sidebar: Title inspired by Drake’s lyric in Mine by Beyonce ft. Drake… because I always find a way to incorporate my faves)