Bey once said, there’s nothing not to love about me, there’s nothing not to need about me, and honestly, what woman doesn’t feel this way? We’re the most nurturing caring beings on this planet & when we give, we tend to give our all. Especially when we truly care about someone. But what happens when we give what we can to the wrong one? You could give your all to a man, make sacrifices for him, give him your time and energy, become his support system, and still not be appreciated. All of that and there’s still no commitment, no exclusivity, no settling down. But I feel like we (women) do this to ourselves. We make mistakes, we get tripped up on feelings and potential. So it’s not your fault that he won’t commit to you, but it is your fault that you thought you could make him commit when all signs were pointing to no. It was never going to happen. You can’t persuade someone to feel the way you do. Here are some things we must work on so that we’re never stuck on stupid, asking why don’t you love me?
- Stop trying to change yourself to become someone you think he might like
- why would you want to put up a facade to make someone love you?
- if your personality and characteristics aren’t appreciated by the person you’re involved with, don’t change to appease them. Find someone else who loves you exactly as you are.
- Don’t try to change him either…
- let’s be honest. We’re too often attracted to the wrong ones, the ones we think we have to work for, but honey… there is rarely anything you can do to change a man’s mind. So don’t try to mold someone into what you want them to be, find someone who fits into and meets all of your expectations.
- Stop ignoring the red flags, recognize and act on them
- they are there, they are always there. Whether you choose to see them or not is always up to you (lack of communication, disappearing acts, shorter conversations, lack of face to face time, etc.)
- if he acts like he doesn’t care, HE DOES NOT CARE. Move on, please.
- the earlier you acknowledge the red flags, the easier it’ll be to let go.
- Stop going above and beyond for someone who won’t do the same for you
- relationships are 50/50. Sometimes we feel the need to prove ourselves to men. Like it’s some sort of trial period and we have to show all we have to offer in order to be chosen. NO. STOP. BACK UP. All of this is happening before he’s even decided to commit to you? No ma’am. That is not your man. Give as much effort as you receive.
- Speak up for yourself
- I know this might be a challenge (because it was always a challenge for me in the past), but honestly from the jump, you both should be laying out where you are now and what your expectations may be. If he wants something casual and you do too, by all means proceed to have fun. However, if casual doesn’t work for you let them know! Men are not mind readers, and they don’t take hints. It’s best to be blunt and straight forward. Let them know what you want/what you expect, and if they can’t agree to working on those terms, then it’s time to bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce! *R Kelly voice*
So when you’re questioning his feelings for you, and you’re wondering why he won’t commit, just remember…
Maybe he’s just not the one, or maybe he’s just plain… dumb.
None of this will be an issue when the right one comes along (and they will come! Have patience ladies). It won’t feel like hard work, it won’t feel like a job or a challenge. It will feel natural, easy going, and secure. So remain true to yourself, and never settle for what you’re not looking for.