This has been a very weird time for me. For some reason I’ve been putting myself under extensive pressure to figure out everything in my life. Life one year post-grad has truly and honestly not measured up to what I thought it would be. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies, and I don’t have companies flooding my emails telling me they’ve viewed my application, or they want to meet with me. All I have is radio silence. Besides the thoughts of self doubt and disappointment that swarm my mind on a daily basis.
Where am I going? What am I doing?
I ultimately feel stuck, and social media doesn’t make that feeling of not measuring up any better. My sister and my mom have been my greatest supporters during this time, and their advice tends to ease the pain a little. My sister actually sent me a tweet by Wesley Snipes earlier today that said,
“Don’t let the internet rush you. No one is posting their failures.”
This is the absolute truth. No one wants you to see the struggle, or the pain, or the moments that aren’t picture perfect. No one warns you that life isn’t a straight path, or always glorious and filled with happiness. There will be times where you sit alone and think too much. There will be times where you doubt yourself. We all do it at some point, it’s part of being human. These feelings have always been here within me, but a new job and a new relationship came along and acted as a temporary solution. Something new to fill my life with. But temporary doesn’t last forever, and when the mask came off, all of these emotions came back full force and I was forced to go through it all over again.
There is no marker in anyones life that declares when you should have it all together. There is no time limit for success. You also cannot wait for success to come to you. I’m trying to internalize these messages and eliminate self doubt. I don’t want to think about things too much before I do them, because I’m an insane over-thinker and one thought will turn into a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t or can’t do something. Even though it may feel like you’re alone, there are millions of people who are going through the same struggles. I’ve talked to many friends who I thought lived a perfect life, and they assured me that they have doubts and fears too. It’s a common theme, especially amongst us twenty-somethings, but I’m looking forward to growing through it.
I’ve decided to dedicate this time to finding myself, and trying new things on my own. I have to remember that I’m only 24 years old, and there are so many opportunities out there for me that I have yet to embark on. I want to make the most out of what I have now. I want to explore the world. I want to explore the different layers that are within me. I want to find new things that I might like, and expand my palette for things I already love (food… food is what I love). I want to fall in love with & live my best life.
I’m thinking about doing a series of blog posts where I step outside of my comfort zone, try new things, and write about my experience. I hope you all will join me along this ride.